“Putting yourself first isn’t selfish. Actually, it’s the reverse. You should place your health and happiness first before you are helpful to anybody else.” Simon Sinek
You’re somebody who is concerned deeply about those in your life and you want to do everything you can to assist them. It’s not always reciprocated. This isn’t to say you should only consider things that are transactional however, there are times when we willingly give up our time to those who aren’t concerned about our demands.
Sometimes, we feel that we’re being cheated of.
We often feel exhausted, empty, and angry.
We often feel that we’re trying to please everyone else and yet we’re unhappy.
Instead of doing them simply because we’d like to and not because we want to, we do them in order to please others.
These are the times which consume me. I tend to stay with the project longer than I ought to because I’m afraid of the implications for someone else.
Since the beginning of this year, I’ve produced podcasts every week along with a fellow. The first time we began it was a source of joy and motivation and I was awed to create it. Now? It’s almost like work I fear. I consider wanting to leave constantly. It’s a drain on energy in my life. All I can think about is are they going to be upset with me if I inform them that I’m not interested in doing the podcast any more?
I’m sure we’ve been guilty of this before: putting satisfaction on people around us. We imagine…
My parents aren’t going to be thrilled until I’m an ophthalmologist therefore I’m going to medical school.
My partner will not be satisfied if I put their work over mine, which is why I’ll have to give up my goals.
My kids won’t be satisfied in the absence of committing every single hour to their needs, therefore I’ll give up my own sense of self.
My friends will not be satisfied until I do everything I can when they’re in need of me so it’s time to put everything in a bind.
My family won’t be satisfied in the absence of being the person they would like to be, therefore I’ll always put their interests first.
My cat will not be content until… cats won’t be. Similar to the majority of people who want you to take care of them. If they have an expectation that they will do something for you, then you’re not dealing with one who is valuing your worth and what’s important to you.
They see you as a way to achieve obtain something they’re looking for. While this doesn’t mean that they’re the case with a “bad” person, it’s the reality of being human. It’s a program running behind the scenes, which is founded on self-preservation. It’s common to all living creatures.
This program doesn’t help those in similar situations since it does all it can to prevent the fear and pain. That’s what’s keeping us in this situation. We don’t want discomfort to others and sure would rather not suffer discomfort ourselves. And we are afraid of what could result if we don’t say no to those around us and instead focus on our requirements.
Do our parents ever cease to love us?
Does our partner want to leave us?
Do our children suffer?
Do our friends cease to be our friends?
Does our family begin to be rude to us?
Will my cat still love me?
It’s normal for people to experience fears and feelings of fear and pain.
This is important since you may think the anxiety and stress are only a part of your experience. It’s not. Fear and pain are an regular aspect of life.
If we are able to see our choices through this perspective of fear and pain and anxiety, we will be able to discern why others might be projecting their fears and pain onto us and our choices.
It’s where you need courage. The only way for things to change is if you make yourself known (because no one other person will). Do what you would to defend someone you love or an issue you are passionate about. Make sure that your life is dependent upon the outcome… as it will.
It’s not selfish to place yourself first (what you’d like to accomplish to your existence). It’s selfish for others to put your requirements first (what they would like you to accomplish to your existence).
There is a baby who is on the way. The thought of her being present has made me look at my happiness in a different light. If I’m working on things which feel like they’re draining the time I have, then I’m sacrifice the kind of father I’d like to be: present and grounded. The child would end up with an icy body , and an mind in a state of panic because I’m focused on making other people content.
It is possible to do nothing in the intention of avoiding pain and anxiety However, it can lead to an entire life of regret. It’s the equivalent of dying from thousands of paper cuts. It is a loss of belonging, your existence is empty, and you wander through a world that’s not yours.
There aren’t any re-runs.
No second chance.
You can’t live the same thing over and over again.
Don’t spend your time living someone else’s life.
At the final moment, I realized that the person I want as a dad far greater importance to me that any project. Much like the majority of things that we do not want in our lives I’d made the decision into something more complex than it had to be. This was a lesson I learned from Dr. Seuss who wrote “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”
The people who matter be happy with you.
They’re not the ones who hold your back. They’re the cheerleaders in your life. They are asking you to think about who you want to be?
Make a commitment to live your life according to your choice. This isn’t selfish. It’s about prioritizing happiness.